Halloween Horrors 50 for 31: The Embalmer

October 7, 2012 at 1:20 pm Leave a comment

The Horror World Tour continues! This time we go back to Italy, Venice to be exact, for 1965’s The Embalmer. For those who say foreign films are genetically superior to American films, I give you this movie as an example of why that is not so. The Italians are every bit as capable of making a pile of crap as the Americans. The Embalmer probably should have been on MST3K. It certainly has the feeling of movies that found their way onto the show, Horror at Party Beach comes to mind.

The Embalmer is about,well, an embalmer. Or rather a deranged hotel manager who has a secret embalming formula that will preserve women’s beauty forever. On the other side we have Andrea, a man believe it or not, even if that is a woman’s name. Andrea is a hard scrabbled reporter who believes the rash of disappearing girls in Venice is being caused by a monster. The cops and newspapers remain unconvinced. And rather uncaring, really. They take kidnapping about as serious as jaywalking in Venice.

The way the movie plays out is as follows. A snapshot of a young woman is taken. She gets abducted by a scuba diver, who takes them to be embalmed, puts them in his trophy case, the reporter finds out about it and declares a monster on the loose. Then we go to some Travel Channel footage of Venice. Rinse and repeat for the next hour and a half. That is pretty much all that happens in this movie. The travel log footage of Venice really is stunning but what else would you expect fro Venice. We also get a musical performance from Italian Elvis. While in one of Venice’s many fine restaurants, our reporter and some German tourists are give a performance by a man who looks, acts, and sounds like a young Elvis Presley. It’s pretty blatant.

After a number of girls get abducted, a drunk, possibly gay, couple of men tell our reporter that a fish with lights on its head has been popping up from the water in Venice. Our reporter decides to go diving to investigate. This happens at the same time as a women we barely know finds out the mirror in her room goes two ways and she has been peeped on. She finds the hidden entrance to the Embalmer’s lair. They find the Embalmer, Andrea chases him down, kills him, and we finish the movie with more beautiful shots of Venice.

This movie literally bored me to tears. It’s a particular dull creature feature, which were a big deal after The Creature from the Black Lagoon. They mix in some mad science with the Embalmer’s secret embalming formula. The travel log footage of Venice can be seen in so many different places, you really don’t have to sit through this garbage to see the beauty of Venice. It’s a bad movie but worse than that, it’s very boring. Italian Elvis was the only thing that I found even remotely amusing. Even if you’re a fan of bad movies, I think you will be let down by this one. I wouldn’t recommend watching it.

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