Archive for June, 2012

The Last Airbender.

I heard mostly made things about this movie going into it. I tried to watch it with an open mind. Much like I watched Gigli with an open mind. I went out of my way to clear my mind of all bad reviews as a way to not color my perception of the movie. There are a lot of movies I like that no one else does. So I can be objective when I want to be. With all that said, all of the bad things you heard about this movie are absolutely true.

The boat anchor that weighs this movie down is the acting. I hate to rip on little kids for bad acting, because their little kids going through hell to do something they love to do. But it wasn’t just the little kids in the movie who were awful. Everyone in this movie acted like they drank a quart of Nyquil. The dialogue was so clunky and poorly delivered it reminded me a lot of Troll 2. Every take felt like a table reading instead of something that should have been filmed much less edited into the finished product. It’s as if they were so focused on the special effects that they really weren’t concerned about the performance of the actors. They just wanted to make sure the actors got the words in the script right. I can’t even begin to tell you how detached I was from anything emotional that was suppose to be taking place in the movie. Although I doubt the best acting in the world could have helped the poorly written dialogue and boring story. 

The story has potential to be a decent, early Final Fantasy game. The idea is in this world, all of the tribes  people control an element. A kid found in a block of ice happens to be the Avatar, the one who can control all elements and keep peace between all the tribes. Problem is, a hundred years earlier he flew away and got frozen in a block of ice. In that period of time, the Fire tribe took over the world, more or less. Now the Avatar is back and must learn how to control the other three elements as a way to unite the world. This movie is suppose to be the story of how the Avatar learned water. Early on, the Fire tribe capture the Avatar. Upon learned he is the Avatar, they tell him he is kidnapped and coming with them to the Fire kingdom. Absolutely no attempt at trickery or subterfuge. Now, they know he is the Avatar. They know he could probably kick everyone on their ships ass. They could have just stalled him for a while until they get back to the Fire kingdom, telling him they will set him free as soon as the paper work is processed or some crap like that. He didn’t seem to be trying to make any attempt at escape, at least until he was told that he was under arrest. He, of course, escapes. 

The Avatar travels with two kids from the Water tribe who found him. Their first stop is the Air tribes village, which has been wiped out by the Fire tribe. This emotional moment when the Last Airbender learns all of his people amounts to nothing more than a hissy fit. Then, for some reason probably explained in a cut scene, they go to an Earth village and are captured by the Fire tribe soldiers, who conquered this land. I suspect a lot of key scenes were cut from the movie because we bounce around the world a lot in this movie. Anyway, the Avatar inspires a rebellion in the Earth villages. They ask the Avatar what he must do to take down the Fire tribe. First he has to go learn water from the Northern Water tribe. What happens to this Earth tribe rebellion is never explained. They were beaten into submission by the Fire tribes ” machines made with metal.” I quote that line because it’s a glowing example of the horrid dialogue. So now that the Avatar has inspired this rebellion he just leaves to learn Water powers, without any concern that the Earth tribe will get slaughtered trying to stand up for themselves. I guess he really doesn’t care what happens to these people. 

He gets to the Water tribe. They get tipped off that the Fire tribe is planning an attack. Considering the Fire tribe travels the waters by huge ships, the solution should be obvious, create a tidal wave and wipe them out before they can touch ground. That thought apparently never occurred to the Water tribe. Instead they set up for a Battle For Helms Deep like fight scene. The fight scene that happens isn’t even in the same league as the epic fight scene in Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. It was meant to be but it just never happened. Instead, the Avatar plans on mediating and talking to the Spirits to get some answers. One of the things the Avatar can do is talk to the Spirits. So he talks to the Dragon Spirit who tells him to create a Tidal Wave, more or less, but not to hurt anyone.

The Fire Tribes plan is to kill the Moon Spirit. They did a lousy job explaining how this is possible and in the end it was unsatisfactory. Are they going to call the Ghostbusters? As it turns out, the Moon Spirit is a fish who lives in a cave deep within the Water villages caves. Now, considering the Moon Spirit is the source of the Water tribes power, you would think they would protect this fish a little more carefully than not at all. As the evil general is about to kill the Moon Spirit fish, at least five people are standing around watching him hold this fish in a bag while he monologues. One of them is a Firebender, two of them of Water benders, and no one lifts a finger to stop him from killing this fish. All I could think about was a couple of drunk rednecks finding this fishing hole and accidentally killing the Moon Spirit. So the Water princess who watched the Fire General kill this fish without doing a damn thing, sacrifices herself to revive the Moon Spirit Fish.  Its funny how she is willing to go through killing herself to revive this fish, but when the fish was actually in danger she just stood by. Reminder, there was water all around her and she was a Waterbender. So the Avatar hulks up and creates a giant tidal wave, which he does not use to  sink all of the fire ships. Instead, they just get scared and run away. And all of the Fire tribe soldiers who have just been left behind in the Water village, bow down and plead allegiance to the Avatar. Those bastards were trying to kill every man, woman, and child in the Water village and now its suppose to be all ok because the Avatar made a giant wave, which he didn’t use at all for any reason. Those Fire tribes man should be held as prisoners of war and waterboarded! Nope, its totally cool now because the Avatar can control water. And his decision to not sink the Fire ships confuses me. I know its a kids movie and he can’t be seen killing people. But the Fire tribe didn’t really give him any choice. Now those ships are going to sail off and destroy some other village.

A lot like the Twilight movies, this movie was awful but I can’t wait to find out what happens in the next movie. The Last Airbender was tragically bad on many different levels. The special effects are ok, by most big Hollywood movie standards. Other than that, it was a complete mess. Laughable at many different moments. I would recommend The Last Airbender for fans of bad movies. It really is a must see for the kind of people that think Battlefield:Earth was hilarious. As a movie that most normal people would want to see, stay far away. You will be checking your watch 20 minutes in. It’s a tough watch, very boring, and hard to sit through.


June 23, 2012 at 9:59 pm Leave a comment

Last King of Scotland

If Tom Cruise can be the Last Sammeri why can’t Forest Whitaker be the Last King of Scotland.

Continue Reading June 10, 2012 at 11:02 pm Leave a comment