Halloween Horrors 50 for 31: They Saved Hitler’s Brain

I can’t follow this movie at all. The best I can give you for a plot synopsis is the title of the movie. They saved Hitler’s brain. Or more accurately they saved his head. Upon some research, I began to understand what is wrong with this movie. It is pieced together from two different movies made at two very different time periods.  See, the first part of the movie was made in or around 1972 by UCLA film students to extent the running time of the rest of the movie, which was made in 1963.  The 70’s footage looks very 70’s The secret agents have big bushy mustaches and sideburns. The car chases has typical 70’s car chase music. Although it’s all shot in black and white to match the other footage.  Because of this, They Saved Hitler’s Brain is almost impossible to follow in terms of any narrative structure.

We start off with Agents Vic and Toni. A scientist who was working on some kind of dangerous chemical got whacked and they are suppose to investigate for the CID. Well, Agent Toni is a woman and she is HOT! She dresses more like a school girl than a secret agent and looks to be all of 18, maybe.  Now we think these are the main characters because their story takes up the first 20 minutes or so. But no, they both get whacked by a couple of guys who look like The Blues Brothers. Agent Toni’s death scene is particularly funny because she is in a phone booth at night and the Blues Brothers shoot her from a car during the day. The Agent Vic and Toni stuff looks really cheaply made, with most of the budget probably going towards the brief car chase. Agent Vic’s car flips off the road during the day, changes make and model, and crashes into a power station at night. This is the UCLA film student footage and boy can you tell. It’s not horrible, just cheap and poorly acted with the aforementioned editing errors.

From there we follow lovers Phil and Kathy. They get captured by a Latino fella whom I call Manuel but I don’t think he actually had a name. Well, Kathy is the daughter of a Professor Coleman who has been kidnapped and taken to the fake South American country of Mandoras. So after Manuel gets whacked, they leave him in a phone booth and leave for Mandoras. In Mandoras, which looks a lot like Southern California, everyone has fake sounding Frito Bandito Spanish accents. A Mandoras agent sneaks into their hotel room, gets attacked, then gives them the back story. The Agents tells them that during the fall of the Third Reich they cut off Hitler’s head and through the miracle of science saved it. So they took it to South America and stayed in hiding until the 60’s. The Hitler in this movie is hilarious, he has all the authenticity of Hitler in Bugs Bunny cartoons. His German is obviously just gibberish the actor screams angrily. This is the first plot point and its 45 minutes into the movie.

So after a very confusing bar shoot out, Kathy disappears and Phil is arrest. Except she is at the Presidentes palace with her sister, which is where Phil is taken instead of jail. Apparently, Mandoras is really run by Texas businessmen and Nazis so the group is locked up with Professor Coleman. Professor Coleman as an antidote to some kind of gas and the Nazis want it. Finally, an hour and ten minutes in, we get to see Hitler’s head, which is hooked up to a machine and inside a glass tube. It looks a lot like the preserved heads on Future-rama.

So Hitler’s plan for World domination this time is to release something called G-Gas on a small town in Mandoras. He has 30 or so soldiers, whom I guess he is going to send into neighboring countries and conquer them.  So the Texas businessman figures out that Nazis aren’t the best business partners. His son is killed, then he gets shot. In the stirring conclusion, the heroes are surrounded in the canyons by the Nazis. A few well thrown grenades is all it takes to bring down the Third Reich. Hitler’s head, which made the trip for some reason, is melted in an explosion. You really have to see how hilariously bad this is. I guess this whole plot was the work of a wax head.

My description doesn’t even begin to explain the nonsense storytelling, clunky dialogue, and poor film making. All of what you expect from bad movies is here. Poor editing. Cheap sets. Bad acting. Day for night shots. Inconsistencies from day to night between shots.   This is pretty much standard for bad movies and really needs to be seen to full be appreciated. I can understand why MST3K may have passed on this one. I don’t know if there is anyway to make fun of this movie. The movie is such a mess on its own, it warrants no further commentary.