Zombie Wars

October 3, 2010 at 11:05 pm Leave a comment

Zombie Wars has some problems. Certainly I have seen worse zombie movies. There are tons of them now days. The specific problem with this movie, I feel, is it shouldn’t have been a zombie movie.  It would have been much better served as a cannibal or post apocalyptic movie. The spirit may have been willing but the film makers weren’t able to overcome some obvious and glaring flaws.

Like many of the 2000’s era horror movies featured on You Tube, Zombie War has a cast of very pretty people who can’t act. Many of them seem much better suited for underwear commercials than a feature film. Not that the script gave the actors much of a chance to show their range.  The actors had a real problem interacting with one another and reciting the dialog. Everything feels so forced and no one has chemistry with each other. One exception is the guy who plays Sliver. At least he doesn’t seem bored with what he is doing. He spends most of the movie doing a really odd Jack Nickolson impression. He has a big flashing “don’t trust me” light flashing over his head. Even in the end when he has proven to change his mind about being evil, he acts really shifty. I have a feeling he was told to do a Nickolson impression. I would have liked to see what he would have done if he wasn’t given that direction. The woman who plays the General is very stern and gruff all the way through. She does a voice over for a good portion of the movie. Her voice over is so detached that it’s hard to have any kind of emotional attachment to what is happening. A romantic subplot between her and the character named Brian which comes out of no where and feels really forced.  Sometimes the performances are passable which is why I say this isn’t the worst zombie movie I have ever seen. A lot about this movie is just passable. But when it’s bad, it gets really bad.

That brings me to the special effects and make up design. Sometimes they look like zombies. Sometimes they look like homeless people. Sometimes they look like clowns with really bad makeup. The head shot effect is pretty good most of the time but its really all they are able to do. They do the head shot gimmick so often that it becomes white noise. I understand thats how you kill zombies but they used the same shot over and over again to illustrate that someone just shot a zombie in the head.  It hurts to look at. In the end there is a bullet through the head CGI shot that was not only completely unnecessary but also where half the budget must have been spent.

So that brings me to the main event. The story. Structurally speaking, this movie is a mess. I have a hard time pointing out the act breaks. It’s 50 years after the Zombie Apocalypse. Humans are ravaging off of the land, killing zombies to survive. No one knows how the zombie apocalypse happened but they show a really poor shot of Earth at the beginning of the movie. We have two brothers, Brian and David. They are out on patrol when they save some slave girls the zombies are transporting for some reason. Let that sentence sink in for a second. Zombies are not only keeping humans as slaves but also transporting them from one zombie village to another. Why wouldn’t they just eat the humans instead of keeping them as slaves? You know, like every other zombie movie ever. Well, apparently they breed humans for food on a farm. Oh, but at no point are these intelligent, speaking zombies. Apparently they do have some kind of grunting language amongst each other which really makes no sense when put in context with zombie lore. They also have a leader! Did the zombies hold an election or something? Oh, and you will really like this one. The zombies set up the farm with the help of humans from a town whom don’t want zombies wandering in and wrecking their stuff.  See why I said it would make more sense if this were a movie about cannibals or something. How do a group of humans make a deal with zombies? Or teach them how to raise and harvest humans for food? In most good zombie movie movies, zombies just wander around aimlessly looking for people to snack on. No hierarchy or organized structure. No farming or cutting deals with humans. I can’t express in how many ways this makes no sense.

So David names one of the slave girls that they set free Star. Star is a great fictional name for a stripper or amateur porn star. Not so good for a character we are suppose to relate to in a zombie movie. Somehow they get captured by the zombies and are kept in a cage to mate. Zombie sure not take prisoners! But they do in this movie. So David’s brother mopes around hoping there is a way to save him.  It doesn’t occur to them to send out a team to go look for the zombie encampment.  David meets another person who can talk in prison named Sliver. He is the slimiest, most untrustworthy person you can imagine. But David trusts him. Little does he know, Sliver works for a group called the Consul. He is someone they planted in the zombie prison for some reason. It’s never well explained just why they put him their. He says he volunteered but why would anyone volunteer for that. And considering how easily he turns on the consul later on, you really have to question why he volunteered to be a mole in a zombie camp.  David makes a map of the camp and smuggles it out, hoping his brother will find it. Which he does. Somehow this crude map allows Brian and the General to find the camp and sort of save David. Some how David and Starr get separated and he goes looking for her. Meanwhile, the General and a team find the town of evil humans and give them a really strongly worded warning to knock it off.  A movie needs a strong conclusion. The consul never really plays a role in the movie until the end. The General just finds out about them near the end, raids their compound with almost no opposition. Instead of killing them all, she just tells them to stop making deals with zombies. David, on the other hand, gets shot by his own soldiers while looking for Star. The soldiers shot him for fun on top of it. They mistook him for a zombie even though he looked nothing like a zombie. He is a highly recognized soldier and a very healthy looking man. There is no reason they should have shot him.

It was obviously a very low budget movie. They didn’t have the money to pay for extras, fight choreographer, set design, costumes, or anything else. But even if they did have a proper budget, they broke a lot of rules for zombie movies. The scripted needed a lot of help before this movie should have been made. There wasn’t a story so much as a series of events that are somehow related with an unsatisfying conclusion where a main character dies for no reason. Zombie War held my attention more than some of the low budget zombie slock that is out there but I still wouldn’t recommend watching it.



Entry filed under: Horror. Tags: , , , , , , .

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