Children of the Night

October 17, 2009 at 10:25 pm Leave a comment

The first movie Liz and I watched on You Tube together is one that is probably the most memorable. I was only reviewing horror movies at the time. Without a proper description, all we knew was we were watching a movie called Children of the Night. I can’t speak for Liz but I was expecting a vampire movie. Well, Children of the Night is not a horror movie; it’s a whore movie. Meaning, it is a movie about women of ill repute. This happens a lot of You Tube. Someone over there is asleep at the wheel because there is no shortage of movies in categories they have no business being in.

Children of the Night is the true story of a college student in L.A. who dedicates herself to saving teenage prostitutes. Apathetic cops, bitter prostitutes, and smooth pimps all stand in her way. I wish I could say more about this movie but there really isn’t much of a story here. Lois is a grad student who is writing her thesis paper on teenage prostitutes in L.A. Oddly, her college professors don’t approve of her work. When you know what most college grad student research papers are written on, this seems laughable. One prostitute Lois wants to save in particular is Valarie. Lois bends over backwards to help her and she accepts it for a little while until she gets bored and decides a life of drugs and prostitution is more fun than whatever Lois is offering. And what is Lois doing to help these kids? I don’t know. She gives them a place to live and food. Beyond that, I have no clue what she is doing to help them. Lois ends up being depicted, as a doormat and her house were all these reformed prostitutes are; one would think that this was the biggest brothel in L.A. Her spineless, understanding boyfriend Larry assists her. He whines a lot and talks about his needs but his only role in the movie seems to be to get arrested and give Lois an opportunity to give a super feminist diatribe about evil men and oppression or some crap like that. Valerie gets away from her and goes back to the life of a streetwalker but Lois isn’t licked yet. She tracks Valerie down right before she may or may not be getting killed by a deranged prostitute killer. Whether she is in danger or not is also not clear. Valerie, who may have been on the verge of getting murdered, is completely ungrateful for Lois’s help and they roll down a flight of stairs. Then the movie just kind of ends, tell us Lois founded a non-profit organization that saves teenage prostitutes in Hollywood.

The two positives about this movie are the Mario Van Peebles character, Spanish the pimp, and the Pat Benatar song “Hell is For Children.” In the case of Spanish, he is the most three-dimensional character and I really wish he had been in a better movie. In a movie that is full of melodrama, not even fit for a Lifetime Movie of the Week. Spanish is a cold slap of reality and the one character in this movie that is more than a stereotype. Spanish is intelligent, calculating, and realistic while his motives and philosophy are clear. The saddest part is, Spanish has a point when he explains why he does what he does. He is the one bit of clarity in an otherwise muddled movie. I find myself wanting to spend more time with him in this movie than any of the actual main characters.

Children of the Night was definitely worse than Road House. It’s not the worst You Tube movie but it is incredibly boring and confusing. There is a lack of story structure, unclear character motivations, poor cinematography, and flat dialogue. The dialogue has a lot of “What are you running from, man?!?” One platitude after another leads us nowhere. There are worse movies you can watch if you are bad movie fan. If you’re looking to be entertained, stay away. The only people who should watch this movie are fans of Pat Benatar and they should just turn it off after the first 7 minutes.



As Mike said this was the first movie we watched together. I was expecting a movie to the tune of the Lost Boys or some rip off of the Lost Boys mixed with Interview with the Vampire; something other than well this. Now no I’m not a glutton for punishment, ok I am a glutton for punishment I watched this movie one already but there was no way I was watching it again to dust off the cob webs in my brain. This movie was just horrible seriously horrible. Now I’m not one to bash people for helping others, and that Lois wanted to do her masters/doctoral thesis on the mindset and subculture of prostitution is believable; especially now in this modern high tech reality show ridden time we live in. Though back in 1985 probably not the case. What why are you looking at me like I should know I was five you idiots. The movie was just as Mike said it’s a whore movie not a horror movie. Granted we were lead to believe that it was and about thirty minutes into it we finally saw blood (thanks You Tube that’s an hour and a half of my life I will NEVER get back). It wasn’t a prostitute hacker terrorizing the streets of L.A. looking for loose women of immoral character and makes them beg for the Holy Father’s Forgiveness before they die. No it was just a john who didn’t want to pay so he stabs the hooker who we learn is Lois’s first runaway she takes in named Valerie. Though the movie was so dull up to this point I was cheering, we’re talking dancing in the end zone type cheering because someone got fucking stabbed. Well eventually we meet her pimp, Spanish who tells Lois to back off and that every woman has a little bit of ho in them. The guy is a total sleaze but you end up cheering for him because he’s the only believable and human character in the whole movie. He later in the movie blames Lois for ruining Valerie and that she was no longer his girl, yeah apparently Valerie was her pimp’s number one of the month or two. Though I’m rambling at this point and telling you stuff you already know so I’m going to jump forward and dissect my favorite character Larry the boyfriend. This man was defiantly the epitome of the 80’s emo. The man whines more than Valerie does, which is bad since Valerie needs a perception of lithium or something similar. It was a constant that’s it Lois no more or this is your last chance and my absolute favorite what about me I keep thinking that eventually have room for me. Shut up and just move on already it was crap we did not need to hear and seriously Larry go take a Midol they work wonders trust me I’m speaking from experience. Guys yeah this movie is a major disappointment especially for a based on a true story movie. You know those are the movies even if it’s a made for T.V. movie that Hollywood likes to get right. The actors if not the story is normally believable and you’re cheering and feeling sorry when bad stuff happen to the protagonist. If you’re cheering for the antagonist in a based on a true story movie then someone screwed up. When I say I would have rather watched Road House then watch this movie folks I mean it. At least in Road House the idea of realism is there, in Children of the Night you can tell they were trying I mean really trying. Now when your audience can tell that the actor is trying you’ve already failed, scrap the film and the script fire the cast and start a new guys. That’s all you can do at this point to save your reputation as a director and actor.


Entry filed under: 1, Horror. Tags: , , , .

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